I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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