dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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