I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
