you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
