nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We just shotgunned beers for America
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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