I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
