Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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