Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
