You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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