week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
