wanna go halves on a baby?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
