We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
