Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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