my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have demons in me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
