I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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