Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bet he comes in French.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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