When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
