U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
