theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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