This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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