youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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