I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
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I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ttyl tear gas
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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