the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
