what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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