If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Mom said you looked used
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
