I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
