I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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