I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
