he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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