wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
