There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
