i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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