I am in a vortex of obligation.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
