dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
