Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
