I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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