I want to stick my p in your. b.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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