Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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