I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
