I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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