He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
