can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
