You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
