Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
