its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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