Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
