Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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