so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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