I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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