We won't sleep together?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
