I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
