her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
