btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
