I wannas sexs uuuuu
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
