Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
