watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
