What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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