I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
