It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
