did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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