Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What a dumb baby whore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need a beard to bite.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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