whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
