When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
