I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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