the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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