He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
