It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
