I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
