I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
