she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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