she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
