And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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