Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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