note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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