he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
